I went to a great event last week. It was a supper club hosted by Scottish Mothers Collective.
There was lovely food, a great speaker and a group of lovely ladies. As we all chatted over dinner and drinks the speaker, Brian Costello from Headstrong NLP , discussed topics such as mum guilt, what your ‘norm’ is and mission vs ambition.
Most if not all of the ladies that were there were mums, small business owners or entrepreneurs.
So when the topic of mum guilt came up there were lots of wry smiles. The mum guilt that we discussed was the mum guilt that I’m sure we all feel.
Whether we did the right thing in giving up our jobs that provided a stable wage to be a stay at home mum or a mum who is trying to set up their own business whilst having small kids. Often this means working longer hours than we used to, all in the name of flexibility and being able to spend more time with the kids.
Or, being the mum who went back to work and feels a little bit guilty for doing so when other mums didn’t go back to work.
There was also the mum guilt of when your child doesn’t behave in your ‘perfect’ way. They do something that doesn’t adhere to your norm. Or they act in a certain what that isn’t the way you believe the perfect child should act. Brian discussed the childhood development and how up until the age of 3 kids don’t give a monkeys about your norms.
As it turns out (and deep down we all know), they really don’t care whether you have to get up, have them fed and out of the door by 8am.
Around the age of 7 maybe earlier they start to develop their own sense of self/identity. I can already see that with my 6 year old. Around the age of 13 is when they have their own identity – they wear a specific t-shirt from their fave band, they want to wear their footie kit all the time as they are 100% a footballer. That type of thing.
Between the ages of 14 – 21 you have them but you don’t really, you just have to be sure that the norms that you have taught them will stand them in good stead. It was all fascinating stuff.
The bit thought that really got me thinking was the discussion around ambition and your mission.
Brian talked a lot about the ‘mission’ and how this shapes each stage of your life. He used his mission to explain what and why he had done things and how he had changed over time.
Your mission and your ambition.
Mission is different from ambition.
The ambitious driven career girl who loved designer handbags and regularly purchased them seems like a different girl to the one I am now. But, as Brian said that person isn’t a closed book with the tie over it never to be opened and read again. That person is still there as that person is me.
It’s just that my mission had changed.
Of course when you have kids you can’t help but change. Some people go back to work as I did after having my first, some people don’t which was the choice I had after having our second.
When I say I didn’t go back to work I mean go back to the job I previously had. That is most likely because my ‘mission’ had changed.
I can pretty much articulate what my mission currently is. Apparently everything you do is subconsciously or consciously driven by your mission. Your mission changes over time but it is what drives you to do what you do.
It was a really interesting discussion that resonated with me as I think it helped explain some of the choices I had made and made me feel less ‘guilty’ about making them.
As we chatted it was apparent that sometimes there is a tendency to over think things.
Over think what you’ve done. Over think what you haven’t done. Of course when you do this you often feel guilty for making certain decisions or acting certain ways. The mind is very powerful and as Brian put it no one is born broken. Everyone is born confident. As we grow up, we layer on fear over the confidence.
If we can accept things for what they are then we will have the freedom to not over think things and feel bad or guilty for them.
Brian has a book out – it’s called Breakthrough: A Blueprint for Your Mind.
I am definitely adding it to my holiday book list (there is a Kindle version on Amazon).
I am a 100% believer in the power of the mind and positive thinking. I am saying this as a person that over thinks things and as a mum of a 19 month old in the hope that I will get some time to read on holiday!
If you get the chance to hear Brian speak I would whole heartedly recommend going along, he does a lot of work within schools and with young people in schools which I think is fantastic.
In today’s world if we can help young people find their balance when they are growing up then in my opinion we will be giving them a head start in life.
Note: this is not a sponsored post, I found the evening really useful and the topics being spoke about so very interesting I couldn’t help but share!